I know, I know, it's been a long time since the last post. Thank you for all of those who gave me your feedback, much appreciated. The summer flew by and now it is almost the end of September. We spent a few weeks in August in Winnipeg, visiting my family. It was a great visit, the weather was nice and we did alot of things with the boys. I think my family noticed some changes in Wyatt, mainly his speech...he is talking! We drove home...26 hours in a van with two little boys in enough to drive anyone to divorce, but somehow Jord and I are still ok. They were actually very good for being strapped to a car seat for so long. Thankfully, Wyatt started preschool again and he is happy being busy. The last few weeks before school started was very trying. He was bored and when he's bored, poor little Colton gets the brunt of it. Good thing God made him strong, I am actually looking forward to the day that Colton doesn't back down to his bully brother. In saying that, I realize that Wyatt and Colton are becoming more like "typical" brothers everyday. Wyatt is beginning to play with him, hug him, share and seems to enjoy having his little "baby Coca" as he calls him to play with. I am so happy to see them making faces at one another and laughing and goofing off, it all seems so...normal. Wyatt has also begun therapy again, I am so blessed to have the Behaviour Consultant that we have, she is amazing. Two new Behaviour Interventionists(BI's) started and Wyatt seems so happy with them also. He is excited to play "Wyatt's Games" as we call them and happily runs downstairs and leaves me to do his therapy. It really is amazing what they accomplish in 2.5 hours. It's almost like he has his own army of people rooting for him, lifting him up and helping him succeed. That has always been my wish, for Wyatt to be able to be all that he can be. For me to find a way to bring out what I know had been locked away somewhere. And it is happening. Looking back to where we were last year at this time, and I feel so sad when I look at that picture in my mind. I was so overwhelmed, with a newborn and a toddler who was oblivious to anything other than his immediate family and surroundings. It was an awful time in so many ways, and I hate to say that, to actually admit that-but it is the truth. His screaming, and frustration almost sent me over the edge, I really am surprised that we made it through. I know in my heart that the worst is over, and God has brought me into the light. I am so proud of him. Here are a few of the changes since we started this journey:

-At 3.5 years old he is now forming sentences, at 2 he didn't even say milk. His pronunciation needs work but it is getting better.
-He happily leaves me, even reassures his brother when I leave "it's ok, baby coca, mommy be right back". He is comfortable with other caregivers, wants to go to preschool, and no tears when I leave him with others.
-He is using verbs and adjectives
-He is understanding feelings "Mommy you happy or sad?" if I tell either one that I am mad which I try to do to label my feelings, Wyatt says, "No mad mommy, mommy be happy"
-He acknowledges Colton's cries, "baby coca sad"...but only when Colton's crying has nothing to do with him...sneaky.
-He has friends, he even try's to make new ones at the park
-He mimicks what other kids do now
-He is still aggressive...he comes by that honestly(just like his dadddy)
-He is potty trained...that is so huge for us!!
-He makes eye contact
-He says hello to strangers and initiates conversation
-We are beginning to reason with him
-His tantrums have decreased from like 15 screaming episodes a day to most often only a few a week
-He has an amazing sense of humour and tries to tease and trick us all the time
-He is still so loving to us, affectionate and loves to cuddle

So, from where I was a year ago, we are making unbelievable progress!! Little Colton who by the way is huge for 14 months is also doing amazing. I do worry that something is going to change and he will somehow fall into Autism. I pray everyday and I ask everyone to pray everyday that Colton will not be affected with Autism. It is a great fear of mine. I do notice things that Colton does already that Wyatt didn't do until recently. There are no red flags with Colton right now. He points to everything, talks alot(he has like 15 words already), loves people, is social, isn't content to just sit with us for hours, asks us what things are, kisses everything and everyone and meets all of the developmental milestones for his age. So I will just hang on, waiting and watching his progress and leave it in God's hands. These last few years has taken a toll on me, mainly emotionally. I pour all I can into my kids, as all mom's do, but I fall short on so many other things. I know that I haven't been the best friend, or sister or daughter or wife that I should be. I struggle with that. I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life who let me be shitty and love me anyway. I really am bothered by that. In my past, before the kids I wasn't great at things either. The difference is that now I look back at the old me and it really bothers me how selfish I was. I had nothing in my life that I had to worry about. Nothing but me. The less I had, the more selfish I was. Now, I really do want to change that, but most times I still suck. I am so overwhelmed and so bad at juggling life that I just fall short. I will try to be better. Better because those I love deserve it. My kids, fortunately get the best of me. Most of the time. This blog is such a great outlet for me, letting my feelings out. Letting our little boys story out. I will continue writing this story for those who want to listen...