Monday, July 28, 2008

I'm trying to write as fast as I can but not miss anything. I want to get myself, everyone caught up to today...I will try to sumarize...all who know me know that this isn't an easy thing for me. I did do alot of research about Autism when we were having problems with Wyatt. I did quiz after quiz but I NEVER mentioned this to anyone. He would always fall in the gray area when I did these quizes, some things fit-most didn't. I have always been somewhat interested in Autism. I had an amazing roomate when I lived overseas who researched child development and specialized in Autism research. I think God brought her to me all those years ago to prepare me...Late Nov. I took Wyatt to a Dr. that had seen him in the emergency room for an unrelated problem for a follow up. He talked to me about Wyatt's development and I began rattlling off things about Autism before he said anything about it. He agreed that Wyatt's language was delayed, that he seemed like he had some red flags for autism and that he wanted to have him evaluated. My world stopped that day. I was hysterical. I looked at my beautiful little boy and was scared. I went home to pick up Colton from Jord's mom's and when I opened the door I broke. I fell to my knees and cried so hard, it was the most raw emotion I have ever felt. She said "we know", "it's autism isn't it?" I felt like I had been slapped, stabbed, kicked and my heart was being torn from my chest. It wasn't her fault. But I was shocked that she had speculated and never said anything...but then again, how do you say such a thing to a mother??I went home, told Jordan and we both had some serious emotions that night. Tons of research, more quizzes, some things fit but then again most did not. So we were on the waiting list for an evaluation. They do not give a diagnosis easily, there is a team effort so no dr. says to you, it is Autism by himself. So, we were on the list for an evaluation, on the list for speech and so we waited...I started Wyatt in Pre-school in late January. I decided that he needed to be socialized. The school is amazing. I didn't tell them that he was going to be evaluated. I didn't mention anything about any issue aside from his obvious speech delay. I was not going to label him, I was going to take it day by day and give information as I saw fit. Maybe it wasn't the right way to do it, but it was my call. Lucky for me, I was right. He adapted so quickly to school, he loved it. We saw so many changes in him and as time crept closer to the evaluation, I became less and less worried. Don't get me wrong, it was still hard. We had great days and we had shitty days. He was either happy or he was sceaming, but when he was at school, he was happy. With being on the wait list for the ASD(autism spectrum disorder) assesment, I was put in touch with the local family resourse center. They have a play group for infants and because of Wyatt's potential diagnosis, Colton could go there to be monitored. It was there that I met the most amazing person. God works in amazing ways. I went to a play group and we had a meeting and I recognized a lady from Wyatt's school. Her son was in Wyatt's preschool class and he was also being evaluated in April with Wyatt. We began to talk. Or more like I talked, and talked and I still talk to her about everything. She has seen it all and is who I lean on alot during this. She makes me feel normal. Makes me feel like Wyatt is normal and that life will be ok. As it turns out her son was not diagnosed with any ASD, but Wyatt and him are best little buds. The day came for part 1 of the assesment, he did everything they asked of him cognitively, but didn't make alot of eye contact with the physcologist, ect..., part two came and the diagnosis came...
He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, which is Pervasive Development Disorder-not otherwise specified. Which means he in on the autism spectrum, but does not meet all of the criteria for a diagnosis of autism. It is very confusing, and technical for those who don't follow the lingo. In a nutshell here is where Wyatt was at the assesment: He is very smart, I mean very very smart...intellectually he scored more like a 5 year old then 3 yr old. He is affectionate, loving to us. He makes eye contact with us, shows joint attention, he doesn't have any sensory issues or repetitive behaviours/or interests(He often likes a certain thing for awhile and concentrates on that subject, but moves on to other things which is typical). His language was put at an 18month-2year old, he doesn't make alot of eye contact, doesn't engage with strangers. Basically his weakness were in language, eye contact and initiating interactions with people outside of his everyday world.
After the diagnosis, I actually felt a bit of relief. We knew what we were dealing with and with a diagnosis came funding. Money to be used to help our guy. I got right on things, the next day I had called everyone on the list they gave me and I waited for Wyatt to start therapy. So here we are now, 6 weeks into therapy...and what a blessing it has been. Really, this whole journey so far has been a blessing. Looking back I can see that now. Probably because I see Wyatt's window opening up,and the view is so beautiful...

Crazy times

I was completely overwhelmed and had a bad case of the baby blues after Colton came. With both of the boys I did get depressed after they were born. I never had any crazy thoughts towards them, I was happy with them, but miserable with myself and my life. I thought that I failed as a mother, a wife, a friend, a person. I couldn't get ahold of my life. Nothing seemed mine anymore. The baby blues lasted for about 4 months with Colton, but I think alot of that was mixed emotions about our little Wyatt. There was a moment in time when I think we both knew that we were dealing with something more than typical behaviour. We were at a halloween kid party at the local community hall and both of our boys were dressed up along with a bunch of other toddlers. There were games, snacks, fun stuff for the children. There was a bowling pumpkin game that Wyatt loved. He just wanted to play it over and over. Other kids wanted their turn and he would be pretty patient about waiting but did not want to try any other games. We tried persuading him with treats, other games but no luck. He finally blew up, screamed so loud the whole hall stopped, was silent and everyone stared at us. Jord took him outside for a timeout, we tried again, more screaming, then we left. On the way home we had a good talk. We were sad for Wyatt and sad for ourselves. We just wanted to enjoy taking him places, showing him things, involving him in things, but unlike most parents, we were always battling the meltdowns. It's hard to watch friends and family with kids the same age as yours who don't have these issues. It makes me sad. We knew that we needed some answers.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

July27/08



Wow...I finally did it, started writing this. I've been meaning to for awhile now, but always so busy, same old excuses everyone has. This is about my son, our family, my life. Where do I begin? I guess from the start. So here goes...We were married on New Years Eve 2004, with baby Wyatt already kicking in my belly. He was born via c-section 2 weeks late, with an induction. Pregnancy great, he was delivered fine, looked great, healthy baby. No health issues, except minor baby things: tongue tied(didn't nurse well), didn't sleep great but was happy and content. I guess there were warning signs looking back, minor ones but knowing now what I know they were there. He was so content, almost too content...He could sit with us for an hour while we watched tv or read him books. He didn't get into things, didn't write on walls, or climb furniture. He loved to cuddle, to be held, to wrestle with his dad, he loved his little bear, his sucky. He has the most beautiful liquid brown eyes, his smile lights up a room, he is beautiful.He was born Apr.20/05, and all seemed fine until he was 3 months shy of his 2nd birthday. My husband, Jordan, went away for 2 months in Jan/07 to work and Wyatt started having crazy screaming episodes. He would just meltdown. His speech wasn't very good and he seemed to get so frustrated and little things would set him off. I should mention that he had alot of ear infections from about 6 months until 2. The Dr's were one ear infection away from putting in tubes. I took him to the pediatrician in January because I was concerned about his tantrums and his speech. The Dr. chalked it up to terrible 2's and to monitor his speech. I am not the type of person to take a wait and see approach so I began to look into his speech issues. The Dr. thought his crazy meltdowns were because he missed his dad, which I'm sure had alot to do with why it came out when it did. When Jordan came home, he was very surprised by Wyatt's behavior. At this time I was pregnant with our 2nd son, Colton(born July 2007), and I was feeling completely overwhelmed by Wyatt's behaviour. We had tried everything, timeouts, taking away things, nothing worked. He was out of control. Jordan did and still does handle him better than I do most times. We began to wonder what was happening to our little boy. At his 2nd birthday, speech was still an issue, he did have words, but not many but he did understand everything!! He seemed to not care about anybody else in the world except for daddy and mommy, and a few select family. He wasn't socialized very much from age 1 until about 2.5,(more to come on that later) we lived on top of a mountain and I had no friends or family in the new city. We did have Jord's family which have been a blessing. I had him put on the wait list for speech therapy, and still to this day he isn't on regular case load(hopefully by fall). The summer came and went with the birth of baby Colton. If Wyatt was crazy before, he was insane during the time when Colton first came. He was so jelous, he even threw a phone at me when I had just brought Colton home and was nursing him. He would scream and throw things, it was hell. I felt life my life as I knew it would never be the same. I was right.